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The Battle of L.A.: Which Team is Sitting Prettier?

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Anthony Kernich (Flickr: Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum)[https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/]

At this point, it’s old news that Los Angeles is getting its second football team. San Diego wasn’t happy about the news, but more shockingly, neither was Los Angeles. The city seems pretty apathetic towards the move, perhaps knowing they only have room in their cold, showbiz hearts for one team. But just because the Chargers will arrive one year later than the Rams, it doesn’t mean they’re that far behind in popularity. The Rams return season could best be described as “meh.”

The Bolts still have a chance to capture L.A.’s heart and become its one true team. But how do they stack up against the cross-town rival heading into their first season. Let’s look at the tale of the tape.

Which L.A. Team is More Attractive for 2017?

Head Coach

Anthony Lynn vs Sean McVay

Both teams were looking for new leadership this offseason, and ultimately ended up making a hire on the same day. One of them hired the man who orchestrated a league-leading ground game in Buffalo, which is great news for Melvin Gordon. The other got a guy who made Kirk Cousins look like a $20 million-a-year quarterback, which should help potential bust Jared Goff. Neither have any head coaching experience (well, Lynn has one game, but it went terribly). Simply based on newsworthiness, the Rams win this one in a landslide.

Their coach is so young, he didn’t know this summer’s Ghostbusters was a remake. Their coach is so young, he takes an Uber to the practice facility and sends his game plans via Snapchat. Their coach is so young, he probably doesn’t even know Eric Dickerson played for the Rams. Jokes like that are going to help the Rams stay relevant, especially because young coaches usually do terribly in their first stint.

Winner: Rams

Current Stadium

Los Angeles Coliseum vs StubHub Center

One is outdated, kind of ugly, runs out of beverages, and never sold out. The other is designed for a Major League Soccer team, going to be crazy expensive, and also won’t be sold out.

Winner: Tie

Marketable Talent

Aaron Donald vs Philip Rivers

Rivers certainly seems like the type of character the entertainment industry would love; he’s got that funny Southern accent, he snaps easily, he has a bazillion kids. However, it doesn’t sound like Rivers is too thrilled with the move, so it could be hard to get the 35-year-old to really help sell the team to a new home. An unenthusiastic Rivers is still better than anything the Rams have, though. Their best player is a defensive tackle, and while he’s a force on the field, Aaron Donald’s biggest moment from last season was getting tossed out of a game. He also can’t draw for shit.

Winner: Chargers.

New Logo for New Home

This vs This

The Rams didn’t do anything logo-wise when they announced their move last year, so they win this category by a landslide. The Chargers got absolutely roasted for their bastardization of the Dodgers logo, before changing the colors and getting ripped on even more.

Winner: Rams.

Chances of Winning

Avoiding injury vs avoiding incompetence

The Chargers could plead the case that their record over the last two seasons was not indicative of their talent, finishing 2015 with 17 players on injured reserve before landing 20 players on the IR this season. They also have a first-round pick this season, unlike the Rams, so they’re hoping to hit on another stud like Joey Bosa.

The Rams traded a buttload of picks for Jared Goff, which after one season, seems to have been the wrong choice. The talent they thought they had in Todd Gurley can’t find any open space because he has no blockers. Les Snead needs to find a way to add more quality starters to this team in the offseason, likely through free agency (translation; they’re screwed).

Winner: Chargers

Conclusion

Football fans in Los Angeles are really going to get into USC next year.

Tags : ChargersJared GoffJoey BosaLes SneadMelvin GordonPhilip RiversRams
Henry Mardukas

The author Henry Mardukas